Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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