At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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