We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
