Apparently you make a good broom.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
