you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
