I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have fence marks all over my body
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
