best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
