just tell him i said nine months
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
