I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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