I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
