Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
