I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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