Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
