I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
