Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
