Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
