i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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