Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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