no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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