you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
