I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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