I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
