Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
