Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
