I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
