Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
