It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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