is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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