I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
