Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
