I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You don't make any sense
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