just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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