You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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