all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
