I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Houston, we have a blender
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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