woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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