wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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