You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
