I'm really into asian looking animals
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
