you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
