I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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