Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
