Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
