I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
