Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
