I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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