Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
