there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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