the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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