You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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