She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
