So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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