oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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