Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
