Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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