Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
