i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
