my being single is dangerous.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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