I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
