Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
