I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
