my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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