Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
