Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Did I show you my penis last night?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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