So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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