Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize