My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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