The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
