Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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