Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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