My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
