I will die if light touches me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize