I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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