Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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