Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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