Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
