Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
