just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
