is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
