I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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