im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
