ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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