I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
