Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
