you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
