I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
