Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Send help, water and tortillas.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
