Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you inspire me to be a worse person
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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