I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
