Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
