when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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